My Stupid, Misguided Version Of Fun

At first sight

lifeandlimb:

Nothing says, “I’m emotionally unstable, prone to violent outbursts, incapable of having a relationship, and probably have social skill problems” quite like the jean shorts and wallet chain combo. Sexy. 

Sounds like me when I was a teenager, except for the violent outbursts.

Well, finals are over. I already got my sociology grade: aced that shit. But I’m probably only getting a C in statistics, and I am not certain I passed info competency. Groan. I really really really don’t want to go to community college any more. But I have a good feeling about it. I think I’m gonna pass my other classes, get my AA, and around the end of August / beginning of September, move. Probably to Chicago: Columbia College has a TV writing & producing program, which is exactly what I want to do for a living.

I’d like to go to school in Britain, I found a bunch of other programs that looked pertinent, but it would probably end up being a bit more expensive. Tuition is actually a bit less, as I recall: like $20k a year at Columbia, while most such programs at British universities are like £10-11k ($16k after the exchange rate). Then there is the cost of living: rents are actually about the same in Chicago as the Northern English cities I prefer. A 1 bedroom flat in Logan Square, Chicago is like $700-900, often including heat (a must, since even when I lived in Oakland, my energy bill would triple during the winter, cos I lived in a shitty drafty ghetto apartment, and I’m not going to wear my winter coat inside if I can possibly help it). A 1 bedroom in most major British cities that aren’t London (which is too crowded anyway), is like £400-500, which is about the same or slightly less.

But I suspect I could actually live a bit more cheaply, cos the latter are less sprawling than pretty much anywhere in America: I wouldn’t bother owning a car, for starters, just walk, maybe get a bike, and ride the buses and trains and occasionally take a cab. Chicago is supposed to also be very walkable, but I’m lazy, the weather sucks a lot of the time, and I’d like to go on road trips exploring parts that aren’t served by public transit, since I’ve never been anywhere in the Midwest other than Chicago and the surrounding areas, and downtown Toronto. I wanna go visit surrounding states, and the Metra system only goes up to Kenosha.

But I dunno. They’re not making it easy to complete my application, but that is probably partly the fault of my aging, non-tech-savvy lit professor. I think the emails from UCAS are going straight into her junk mail folder.

My main reservation is that, since Columbia College is an arts school, I fear that going there will be a repeat of Expression College: I’ll spend two or three years and a shitload of money earning a qualification that does nothing to improve my employability. At least it’d probably be a good lead-in to applying to a screenwriting program in Los Angeles.

But then, I also kind of feel like nothing would make me employable. I am filled to the brim with hatred, for myself, for society, and all the fucking chuckleheads in it.

Blech. I feel like Tyler Durden. I want a fight. Fight me, Jimmy, fight me. I want to swear at someone and tell them just why they’re fucking stupid. And/or respond to someone telling me why I’m stupid with “yeah? well fuck you, ya fruity ass bastard. Don’t get smart with me, tough guy, I got enough dirt to bury you six feet deep. I got your number, liver lips, so don’t try and piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”

I also just wish my life afforded me more opportunities to talk like Frank Rizzo, sizzlechest. Like I have probably said, I really relate to Johnny Brennan, because I’m also a smartass troll who’s a lot better at talking tough than being tough.